Before coaching, I definitely thought I knew what someone needed in their life. Listen to my advice and you would be successful or get what you wanted. I had the experience, the wisdom and the track record of success, so why wouldn’t someone want to follow my advice? I followed others’ advice after all! Therefore, my belief was that if I could lead others, then they would be successful, and I would be even more successful. What I found, however, was that very few people want to be led. Even if they tried my methods, they often would blame me for their lack of success if it didn’t turn out with the same results.
When I began to learn the art of Life Coaching, leading was still something I often used in my sessions, albeit a different kind of leading. I wanted to steer the conversation in the direction I thought was most profound, or most helpful. I thought I could pinpoint what their “real” problem was and “guide” the conversations toward a solution or a particular outcome. I often was convinced that if they could just see it from my angle, they’d understand. Although this might work on occasion (after all, we might not be wrong), it is still leading! Leading a conversation or a solution or an outcome is NOT the heart of a Coach, rather being led is!
So what is “being led?” I believe it is two fold, but I’ll start with the first one – Being led by your client. Being led by your client means that the client guides the conversation – even if they want to change the subject! Often a client will start with one thing, then, after a few great questions, switch to a whole new subject. At this point, it’s not our job to steer the conversation back to the original subject, rather ask a question to get clarification on which subject they want to proceed with. Being led by your client means I’m listening, being curious and focusing on them, rather than any solutions. Being led by my client means I believe in their process and in them wholeheartedly. If I believe I have the answer, then I don’t truly believe that they have the answer. I must believe in them!
The second one is – Being led by the Holy Spirit. To me, this was the toughest coaching aspect to learn, because I didn’t really believe that God was interested in my coaching business; that God and business were separate. As soon as I learned that we can be led by the Holy Spirit in our coaching sessions, it became the easiest to implement and the most profound in seeing my clients get breakthrough. Let me make it very clear, however, that being led by the Holy Spirit does NOT mean that I now have permission to give advice or tell someone what they need! Rather, it is knowing I have a resource when I need help in asking a good question, remembering what a client says or seeing the client through His eyes. He even helps me keep time!
We are all born to lead, but can we be led? Where are you still leading as you coach? How can you partner with your client even more? Where can you utilize the greatest resource you have, the Holy Spirit, in your coaching sessions?
Maria Ruddiman is a Kingdom Coaching Certified Coach with a passion for teaching and helping others find breakthrough for personal, spiritual and professional growth. Her greatest joy comes with the “ah-ha” of her clients discovering they have the answer, they recognize their options are endless, or they realize they won’t be judged or “told” what to do. Contact Maria at consultingbymaria@gmail.com.