Learning to let go is a common sticking point I’ve found for clients. Whether it is a bad church experience, a difficult relationship, or something traumatic from childhood, experiences from their past restrict them in their present and hold them back from what they want to accomplish in their future. They know they should just “get over it and move on” or “forgive and forget” but somehow they just can’t bring themselves to do it.
So how do we help walk clients through this? How do we help them get unstuck and bring new awareness to something in their past while not stepping into the world of counseling and help them move forward?
As Christians, we’ve all heard about “giving things over to God.” But again, how do we do this? One way that I’ve found very effective with clients is to do this in the secret place. What is the secret place? As Christians with maybe a little more charismatic bent, we hear this term used but have maybe never really asked what it means or how we get there. Therefore the secret place remains a secret to us and to our clients.
Here’s how I guide clients to their own secret place: I have clients imagine their favorite place. This can be a beach, the mountains, a lake, or even their own living room (their secret place). Once they can visualize themselves there, I ask them to picture Jesus there with them. Next, I have them picture the thing that they’re holding onto as a substance. This can be a backpack, a rock, or a “steaming pile of garbage” as I had one client put it. Then I have them pose this question to Jesus: “Jesus, if I were to give you this thing, what would you give me in return?” The reason I pose the question this way is because often this is something that the client has been holding onto for a long time. It may have become part of their identity and letting go of it can be scary. They may be afraid of what God will do with it and doubt that He will really be good to them in the process of letting go. However, once they hear Jesus’ response it becomes much easier to let go. The typical response the client hears is the very thing their heart longs for the most. Peace, acceptance, love, belonging, etc.
I then ask if they want to make the exchange, to which most clients respond with an enthusiastic “yes!” We then go back to their secret place and visualize handing over their thing to Jesus and receiving what He has for them in return. Without fail this is followed by a sigh of relief, like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. We may even ask a few follow up questions like, “Jesus, how often can I make this exchange with you?” Or “Jesus, what does it give your heart to be able to make this exchange with me?” This affirms what Jesus declared to be His mission in Isaiah 61:1-3.
This is also good practice for us as coaches. Clients share things with us that they don’t share with anyone else and at times we can feel the weight of that. However as Christian coaches we too can make this exchange, regardless of the faith of our client. We can receive “a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:3) And in doing so, we too, learn to let go.
Chris Frost is founder of Strata Ltd, a coaching firm that specializes in coaching leaders in transition. That transition can be anything from not knowing how to take your business or personal life to the next level, to an unexpected loss or tragedy. Because of his unique training in coaching the heart, he is able to explore and often times help resolve areas that have kept people stuck for years. For more information go to www.stratacoach.com or email him at chris@stratacoach.com.