What happens when we have lived a life full of heartbreak, difficulties, challenging or broken relationships, health issues, etc., and are not broken by them? Many will say we become stronger, and while I agree…we also develop wisdom. Although wisdom is great, I used to believe that my wisdom was what others needed to steer them in the right direction…after all, I learned it through the life of hard knocks, why should they? I truly believed that I had the answer, I knew where the conversation should go or I knew what one should do to make their lives better, their business prosper or their family flourish.
However, that all changed when I was introduced to Coaching. Through Coaching, I learned that relating to others in this way actually created a stagnant conversation at best. In my case, wisdom was only telling others what I knew or what others should do…it did not believe in or empower others. It was time to rethink how to relate to others and, although there are many lessons in this concept, today, I want to talk about “No Agenda.”
Here are a few thoughts on what is and how to take a No Agenda approach:
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It’s learning to remember that the client drives the conversation, to put aside where we think the conversation should go and continue to ask curious questions–we never know what else will come up or what they will discover themselves.
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It’s learning that the client can change the subject at any given time, even if it appears they are avoiding something–it’s not our place to judge or assume that.
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It’s learning that we are not the authority in any subject, just a guide to help the client find what they are looking for.
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It’s learning to create an atmosphere that there is no right or wrong answer–if we bring an agenda, then there must be a right/wrong to any question.
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It’s learning to engage in and truly listen to what the client is saying–agendas keep us from listening, but rather focusing on when we get to speak.
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It’s learning to never assume what a client needs, wants or thinks, rather to wait, listen and ask.
As a final thought, Christmas is just around the corner. I’d like to encourage each of us to take inventory on how often we approach a conversation with an agenda and consciously work on having no agenda in at least one area. May your Coaching go to new levels this holiday season!
Maria Ruddiman is a Kingdom Coaching Certified Coach with a passion for teaching and helping others find breakthrough for personal, spiritual and professional growth. Her greatest joy comes with the “ah-ha” of her clients discovering they have the answer, they recognize their options are endless, or they realize they won’t be judged or “told” what to do. Contact Maria at consultingbymaria@gmail.com.