In a world that feels stalled, unsteady and chaotic, one of the things my heart most longs for is safety. And if I’m honest, these past eleven months of global pandemic have taken a toll on me. Just like my clients, I have also felt alone, isolated and afraid. (I’ve even had my fair share of emotional and mind-numbing Netflix and ice cream binges.) And if I’m honest again, I would confess that I have judged myself quite harshly. I have thought:
“I should be doing more.”
“I will never be a fully booked coach.”
“I can’t do this.”
“This is too hard.”
At the beginning of this pandemic, I was a mess and stagnant in the isolation of lockdown. While some were out conquering and crushing their goals, I found myself weary. I did not know how to create safety for my own heart and I left no room for curiosity or exploring my feelings, which is one of the great benefits of coaching. I did not self-coach very well and negative thoughts flooded my conscious mind.
But one day something clicked. It was just an average, run-of-the-mill kind of day, but I realized that if I could not create a safe, judgement-free space for myself, then I would never be able to do the same for my clients. If I could hold space for the tension between my own feelings, disappointments and desires and my current lived reality, I would be better equipped to hold a judgement-free space for my clients. And so, I gave myself permission for my day-to-day to look less like a “boss lady” and more like a blubbering mess.
Maybe you can relate to this sentiment: In this season, I have learned deeply through experience. I have learned who I am and who I am not. I have searched the depths of my soul and (sometimes) not liked what I uncovered. And while this is not the typical, 1:1 role of a coach, I was actually doing the work of coaching in this season. You see, as coaches we can only take our clients as far as we are willing to go ourselves. And without fail, most of what I processed or self-coached in my alone time one day was the very thing a client brought to me the next day. As their coach, I was now freed up to offer them the gift of safety without judgement. I was able to hold space for tension and offer them a real, vulnerable and raw encounter with the God who is present in this pandemic, their emotions and wanted to meet them in the midst of it.
Taking the time to hold safe space for myself means I become a better coach. I become a coach full of empathy and compassion, able to connect over our shared common experience. I remain a peer with my clients; not as someone who has it all together but a fellow pilgrim on the journey. I remain curious, not condemning. I remain open, not closed. And as I meet Jesus in my own heart, I naturally become a better coach. It sure was messy, but it was beautiful.
May we all live and experience first in our own lives and then in the lives of our clients the power of an “in-the-now, messy, raw and real” coaching relationship where safety leads to satisfied in Him alone.
Sara is a Certified Transformational Coach through Bethel Coaching with seven years of pastoral ministry experience in the local church. She serves clients around the globe in both English and Spanish, is an alumna of the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry and holds a Master of Divinity degree. To contact Sara, visit her website: liferecoveryspecialist.com