I believe that questions are the language of heaven and one of the most powerful, and effective ways to communicate, to teach, and to get into the heart of the matter. Learning the art of asking and experiencing the power of questions has been a game changer in my life. Great questions have changed every relationship I have and have caused me to slow down, examine, break apart, reassess, and to think about my life, my situations, myself, and God in a much deeper way.
Questions have even helped me identify some of my dogmatic “know-it-all” “this-is-the-only-way-it-is” ways of thinking. They have led me to accept and even embrace mystery, all while keeping me on a quest of learning, growth, fresh revelation, and hunger. I have used questions to help me hash out and bring clarity to my own beliefs, convictions, values, and perceptions of things. Questions have even bolstered communication in my marriage. Now, as a coach, I get to help others in the same way by asking powerful questions.
It wasn’t until attending a coach training workshop, that I really learned how to ask questions and communicate with people on a deeper level. Up until this point, I didn’t understand the power of questions and how they could be so effective in drawing out the heart of people, connecting with them in conversation and even in bringing understanding and definition to relate on the same level. I simply didn’t know the difference between a bad, good or powerful question. In all honesty, I didn’t know how to converse in such a way to truly get to know a person, to continue the conversation, or to connect in a way that the other person felt heard and known. For example, I would ask things like, “Did you have a good day?” “Do you like your job?” etc. “Are you from around here?” They were questions, yes, and nothing wrong with them, but I would only get a one-word answer and the conversation would stop.
I was stuck.
At the coach training workshop, they taught us about “open ended questions” that make the conversation bigger and broader. Questions that started with “Who, What, When, How”. I had to begin changing the way I spoke. For example, the questions I used to ask that went nowhere, now became, “What was the highlight of your day?” “How would you describe the work that you do?” “Where are you from originally?”
Questions have also helped me in my personal walk with God and moving in the gifts of the Spirit as well. For example, early on in ministering to others and moving in the prophetic and word of knowledge gifts, I would just get in “receive mode” hoping that God would speak something profound to me about this person’s life that would touch them. Through learning questions, I now could get more specific and ask something like, “Holy Spirit, when is their birthday?” “What are they called to do?” “How have you uniquely gifted them?” “What obstacles are they facing?” “What kind of season do you have them in?” “What is on your heart for them?” “What are you building in them right now?” Ask, and you shall receive. Through this skill, I was able to deliver a much more accurate and personal word to that person as opposed to something vague like, “God loves you and is pleased with you.” Take it a step further and ask…WHAT exactly does He love and is pleased with?
May questions be the keys that take you through the doors and into rooms of your heart and the heart of others yet to be explored.
Carly Andrews is a life coach who helps people understand themselves and their own unique story. She creates a safe place to explore significant life shaping events, and family upbringing while identifying personal values, and limiting mindsets. Instructed and mentored under ICF trained Martin Flack, Carly has a passion for people to capture their own breakthrough and access the true freedom their hearts long for. Carly currently lives in Northern California with her husband Kaleb. Contact her at carlottadiede@gmail.com